The Discipline of Not Speaking

I recently came across a simple yet profound piece of Japanese wisdom:

If it’s not yours, don’t take it.
If it’s not right, don’t do it.
If it’s not true, don’t say it.
And if you don’t know, be quiet.

At first glance, these lines feel obvious. Almost elementary. But the more I reflected on them, the more I realized that the last one is perhaps the most difficult to live by.

“If you don’t know, be quiet.”

In today’s world, silence is often mistaken for weakness. We live in an age that rewards speed over depth, reaction over reflection, and opinion over understanding. We are not always asked to have an opinion on everything: politics, relationships, health, success, spirituality and yet we often feel compelled to form one.

It is our own discomfort with silence, our own need to feel relevant, informed, or included, that makes us speak even when we have not truly understood.

The louder voice does not rise because it is wiser, but because it is impatient. And the quieter one often goes unnoticed, not because it lacks depth, but because it chooses restraint over noise.

The Pressure to Have an Opinion

Social media has trained us to respond instantly. News breaks, and within seconds, opinions flood timelines.

Facts are secondary; emotions take the lead.

We comment before we comprehend.

We judge before we know.

We speak not because we understand, but because we feel compelled to be seen.

But having an opinion is not the same as having knowledge.

True understanding requires time. Time to listen, to observe, to question, to sit with uncertainty. And uncertainty makes most people uncomfortable. Silence makes them restless. So they fill the gap with words.

Why Silence Feels So Difficult

Silence forces us to confront our limitations. It requires humility to say,    “I don’t know enough about this.” It takes strength to admit that we are still learning.

Ego resists this.

The ego wants to appear informed, intelligent, relevant. It fears being left out of conversations. So it speaks. Even when it shouldn’t.

But wisdom whispers a different lesson:
Not every thought needs a voice. Not every topic needs your opinion.

The Power of Not Knowing

There is great dignity in saying, “I don’t know.”

It creates space for learning.
It prevents the spread of half-truths.
It saves us from unnecessary conflict.
And most importantly, it keeps us honest with ourselves.

In many ancient traditions, silence was considered sacred. Saints, monks, and sages often spoke little, not because they had nothing to say, but because they understood the weight of words. They knew that words, once released, cannot be taken back.

A World That Would Heal With Less Noise

Imagine a world where:

People spoke only what they had verified.

Opinions were offered with humility, not arrogance.

Silence was respected, not mocked.

Listening was valued more than responding.

How many arguments would dissolve?
How much misinformation would disappear?
How much peace would return to conversations?

The Quiet Strength

The final line of that wisdom,“If you don’t know, be quiet”, is not about suppression. It is about self-mastery. It teaches restraint, awareness, and intellectual honesty.

Because true wisdom is not about knowing everything.
It is about knowing when not to speak.

And in a world that is constantly shouting, the one who can remain silent with awareness holds the greatest power.

Sometimes, the wisest response is not a word at all. But a thoughtful pause.

And in that pause, growth begins.